The ladder in the hallway and I keep haphazardly meeting each other.
Actually, I keep meeting it.
It's starting to feel like a routine: brush teeth, wash face, run into ladder. Brush teeth, wash face, run into ladder. You would think that (a.) I'd move the ladder to prevent further injury, (b.) I would eventually realize the ladder is there and walk around it in the future, or (c.) I would forgo a little personal hygiene in exchange for less damaging side effects. But, no, I brush my teeth, wash my face and walk smack dab into the bright orange ladder leaning against the partisan hallway wall.
First time it happened, I squealed, jumped and hobbled around like a 3-legged cat until Lucas opened his door and asked if I was alright (why do people ask that??). The second time I waltzed into the useful little utility, I flung back, somewhat aghast. The gall of that ladder being there again! I felt somewhat perturbed at it this time and mumbled something to dad about what was left of my big toe. The third time I slammed into the ladder, I paused - stunned I'd done it again - and then keeled over in uncontrollable laughter. Still jibbering and giggling as I tripped down the stairs, Jewel stood perfectly composed in front me, speechless. She held a somewhat concerned face expression for a moment.
I know I am not the only one who uses that restroom. There are, after all, 5 other people in this house! Why then am I the only one with this trouble? (This is a rhetorical question, ok?)
Recently there has been more than a ladder in my life into which I keep running. When there is something a person struggles with, he usually don't struggle with it just once, overcome it and then move on. The temptation comes back again. And again. Sometimes it comes back again and again and again until a person is so dizzy fighting his own flesh he can despair for want of permanent victory! Be not weary in well doing.
As I lay in bed one night, I began to pray, "Father, thank yo-"
"Why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?" [Luke 6:46] I stopped talking.
"He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy." [Prov. 28:13]
I twitched a little and felt that knotted feeling in my gut that comes when I know I need to make something right, but desperately don't want to - not only because it's humbling, but because I've already had to apologize for this before! Having to go back again and again to my parents hurts me, because it hurts them. And yet - no matter how many times we sin, sin is sin is sin. And unconfessed sin in our lives will kill our power as a Christian! A clear conscience and accountability are absolutely VITAL to a Christian life. Can you swallow guilt and move on? Yes. But it will be the death of you. The death of your spiritual life, anyway! When we loose our sensitivity to sin, we loose our sensitivity to the Lord.
I have to ask myself, "Is it worth it? Is hiding past failure really worth forfeiting future
success?" I mean, really, what's the worst thing that can happen if I apologize to someone? They could kill me, I suppose! But even that wouldn't be so bad, because I'd now have a clear conscience and would be ready to meet the Lord! :)
James 1:22 says,
But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only,
deceiving your own selves.Don't give up on doing what's right.
Defend yourself as many times as you're attacked with temptation.
Get up every time you fall down.
And get rid of the ladder.
Labels: BATTLES, HUMILITY, SUCCESS, VICTORY